Chimney of DOOM

So I'm back at home in TN for a couple of weeks. It's been great, except that I'm covered in itchy stuff--mosquito bites, flea bites, chigger bites... at least I've managed to stay out of the poison ivy. So far.

For the first time in months, I've had an adventure I felt compelled to write about. Even though it's not much of an adventure, I sure was scared. But I'll get to that part later.

There's a monster in the chimney. Mom thought there was a nest of baby birds or something, because we always hear fluttering and chirping. But then one day I stuck my head inside the fireplace and banged on the door to the flue, and the most HORRIBLE noise came roaring out--something like a mass of bats or snakes or rats...or all three together. DEFINITELY not baby birds. It was unnerving, that's for sure.

Mom and I complained about it to Dad, who just isn't motivated to solve the mystery. He looked up the flue a couple of times to shut us up, and said he didn't want to hear another word about it. Pfft. Whatever.

Unfortunately, my burning curiosity (overpowering even my fear of bats/snakes/rats/height) would not let me rest. Dad ran off to pick produce (and chew the fat) with one of his work buddies, and Mom and I started hearing the bird noises again. I ran outside to keep an eye on the chimney and Mom banged on the flue from inside--two birds flew out. Still doesn't explain the monster noises, however. So I next embarked on a quest to get up on the roof and look down the chimney flue with a flashlight.

Mom and I had no idea where to find the big ladder, so I settled for the picnic table and a step ladder. Thus, my setup:

This is the scary part of the story I mentioned earlier. I almost didn't make it. It took me about ten minutes to get from the top rung of that dang wobbly ladder to the roof. And then Mom had to hand up a stool for me to stand on so I could reach the top of the chimney and look down. As soon as I shined my trusty flashlight down the flue, that awful noise started up again. Unfortunately, I saw nothing but a pile of dead leaves. No monsters, no snakes/bats/rats, no movement period!

Mom and I decided that the noise must be a nest of cicadas, hidden in the leaves or something. What else could it be? Before I got off the roof, Mom had me sweep the gutters out. I managed to upset a nest of wasps and almost added bee stings to my bug bite collection. I decided that I'd spent my adventurism for the day and climbed down the ladder as quickly as I could.

When I first started writing this post, my story did not have an ending. Now it does: my Dad just got home from his friend's house, and told him about the chimney noises. Apparently, the "monster" in the chimney is a nest of baby birds--Chimney Swifts: I was skeptical at first, because the noise in the chimney sounds NOTHING like a bird, but here's the proof:



This is the baby's "begging call." They also have an "alarm call," which is the noise that kept freaking me out. I couldn't find an sound file online, but the descriptions I've read so far are pretty spot on. "The young also make a mechanical, hissing alarm call when disturbed or frightened." Oh well. Our monsters are very benevolent and will eat all the annoying bugs, according to the Interweb.

So that's my story. To round off the happy ending, here's my new favorite picture of my brother: